"UNETHICAL JOURNALIST, YOU ARE TARNISHING OUR REPUTATION"

Journalism and the media has always been a great passion of mine. In fact, from as far back as I can remember, books, writing and information gathering have made up a great big deal of my life.

During my journalism studies, while I was learning about the five W›s and an H, it became apparent to me that a story always had two sides, sometimes even three, and that there was my truth, the other persons truth and then the actual truth.

The trick was to find a balance between all of these element and come up with a factual, yet well balanced story. The public would form their own opinion.

I was obsessed with all things media! I felt like the defender of truth and the God of justice! Such a powerful position to be in . The pen indeed is mightier than the sword, I though! All I had to do was go to a story, observe, ask questions, get stories from both sides, get an opinion from relevant authority figure, and voila! The perfect recipe for a great balanced story!

I did my internship in the fourth year of my studies at the prestigious Star Newspaper in South Africa, Johannesburg. There I learned that accurate reporting was key! A wrong name, a misspelled name, a wrong date, could mean the worlds difference to the people I was reporting on.

Truth, and a balanced report became very important to me. There could be no other way. In fact, if the truth was not represented enough, I would take myself off the story – sometimes at the expense of losing my internship! I guess my editors understood how important fact and truth was, because I never lost my job!
On return to Namibia after my studies, I got my first real job at a broadcaster, and I was ready to take on the world – armed with qualifications, practice and a passion for my job! If there was a truth to be told, I was going to tell it! I admired journalists and held a high respect from all of them because like me, they had an important job to bring information to the fore, to expose the truth, educate and entertain the nation.
 
Unfortunately, it was not too long into my very important job, that I realized that not all journalists shared the same ethics and principles that I did about journalism and the media with regards to fact and truth, and balance.


It happened. The reason why I knew for a fact that the information the nation would be reading in the paper was NOT true, was because the story was about me!
 
I was there, every step of the way when the event, that we shall not mention because it is irrelevant, happened. However, when I read the story in the paper, it was a completely different version! I was shocked!! Was it possible that there were some journalists who would compromise their journalist ethics to publish a story! It could not be. But it was.
 
The journalist lied! Or, the journalist did not bother to get the correct information, and decided to write his own information based on his own suspicions. How crazy it that!
Statements such as: «journalists lie, and journalists twist the truth» caused me much dismay. It was sad and really disturbing for me to think that it could be true.
 
There were unethical journalists amongst us, and they gave all of us a really bad name! I was naive, indeed!
Recently, I started working for a government institution. A journalist called, asked me a question or two about how I felt about my new position. I answered. It was an off the record conversation as far as I was concerned because the journalist never alerted me to the fact that they were busy writing a story, and wanted a quote from me. (For those who don›t know, they should inform you. )
 
Next day the paper comes out. My unauthorised quote about how I feel about my new job, as well as some questions that I apparently did not answer because they did not get hold of me were in the paper.
One of Two of reporters who completely bulldozed me, was working for a tabloid newspaper, while the other, who decided to write his own story according to his own facts was not working for a tabloid newspaper.
 
A tabloid newspaper is a paper that publishes stories which emphasizes more on the most juicy, gossip, shocking, and emotive aspects of something under discussion or investigation, to evoke a reaction. It would thus be unfair of me to say that the journalist who works for the tabloid newspaper was unethical, because the other journalist was not working for a tabloid newspaper!
In my opinion, it all boils down to the person responsible for the story, or the persons responsible for the publication.
 
The media has an important role to play. If you had gone through any kind of training or had accumulated enough experience in the field you would understand that role.
 
It is time that those journalists who have lost their way, sit down and re-evaluate why they joined the profession. Some of us have a passion for what we do, and we take our jobs very seriously. Some of us are tired of being called liars because we go out of our way to tell the truth and cover our grounds. Some of us, wake up to inform and to educate, not to confuse and create pandemonium.
 
Next time when you decide to publish a story that you know is not factual, or that is not representative of all sides of the story, or that you do not have enough information on, it is time to quit.
 
Do your job. Investigate. Get all sides of the story. Get all the information. Be honest and fair. Be objective. Have balance.
 
If you cannot do any of the above. you no longer belong with us. Perhaps take up a hobby and start writing fictitious tales about fairies…or something.

MEDIA: PART OF THE PROBLEM OR SOLUTION FOR GENDER VIOLENCE?

Media has always, and will always, have a major impact on the lives of human beings, simply because it has the power to influence! In fact, one of the main objectives of media is to influence change. With 16 Days of Activism just around the corner, it is an appropriate time to reflect on media and gender, and media’s role in helping to put a stop to gender violence.

Media has always, and will always, have a major impact on the lives of human beings, simply because it has the power to influence! In fact, one of the main objectives of media is to influence change. With 16 Days of Activism just around the corner, it is an appropriate time to reflect on media and gender, and media’s role in helping to put a stop to gender violence.
Individuals interpret or misinterpret media, just like everything else, based on their experiences or background. The media exists to tell a story. In most cases, we are hoping the journalists telling the story are unbiased and ethical reporters in order for us to get an accurate version of the story!
When it comes to reporting on issues concerning women, yes, the media tends to portray women as the eternal victims. In the same vein, most of our sources are men. Women sometimes shy away from letting their voices be heard because they probably believe that what they have to say is not good enough. In addition, usually the media does not delve deep into the underlying causes of such issues as domestic violence, sex work, or such social problems as “baby dumping.”
Regarding the abovementioned, the media certainly becomes part of the problem in that it does not report in such a way to influence women to positions, and feeling of power! The media could have a far better impact if it reported in such a way that women emerge as survivors, rather than victims.
It would make sense that women will be the main source of information where issues of gender and violence, or anything else is concerned. One can imagine an environment in which women would feel positive and empowered enough to express themselves without thoughts and or feelings self-doubt.
Perhaps one problem is that many women fall prey to the pressures of society, and are from a young age conditioned to play the roles of eternal victims, and to speak only when spoken to. From a young age, girls and women are taught (explicitly and implicitly) to be docile and obedient, and to always make way for men because they are providers; they deserve respect and their word is final! Even fairytales portray the little princesses as victims who can only live happily ever after if a prince comes and saves them on his white horse with his strong arms, and so on and so forth!
The media is a powerful tool, and the media is part of the problem because it perpetuates the message that women are victims, unreliable sources and need to be saved.
So, to start with, what if the media focused on reporting on a story of domestic violence, but tells it in such a way that the women concerned survived the incident! Also, what she did to survive! Her struggle. Her process. Her fight! Imagine how many women can read that and think – “oh, if she can do it, so can I!”
Imagine if little princesses did not have to wait for a prince on a white horse, and solved their own problems! How many women would say, well if Sleeping Beauty could do this, so can I!
However, it Is not fair to entirely think that all the blame should be pinned on the media, because as much as the media perpetuate the problem, the media can also be the solution. In fact, it is the only way! However, we have to remember that the media is only a medium!
Enter Marshall McLuhan! He coined the phrase “the medium is the message”!
McLuhan's insight was that a medium affects the society in which it plays a role not by the content delivered over the medium, but by the characteristics of the medium itself. Meaning that the form of a medium embeds itself in the message, creating a symbiotic relationship by which the medium influences the perception of the message.
This basically means that, the media is not really the problem, but the society that feeds the media is. How we as women, and society as a whole, decide to make use of our media, will influence and determine the way we interpret and misinterpret the message of the media.
What if more women came forward to tell their stories? What if women felt responsible to use the media to say their say without self-doubt and fear! What if women had survivor instincts form birth! Can you image the type of headlines we would have! “Woman tell her story of domestic violence to help other women!” as opposed to “Another woman becomes a victim of domestic violence! It defiantly suggests that it is almost expected to happen!
No. The media is not to blame for the state of mind that society has created. The media reports what is already there. Therefore, if what is already cannot be changed, by society, then we will only get more of what is already there.
Women and society should use the media, twist and turn it into a tool that will work for all of us. There is no use in criticising the media – unless you are willing to stake a stand and change your thinking process – and thereby changing the message! Hence, turning the problem into a solution!

A LIFE VERSUS A DEPOST - LEO PAID THE PRICE

Throughout my life I have heard many insane real life stories of people being sent away from hospitals because they did not have proper documentation, or a medical aid, or simply because they did not have money to pay for health care. What is traumatizing about such stories is that the individuals who were rejected for these reasons, were seriously injured! 

I could not imagine! 

Recently, on a smaller scale, but equally traumatizing, I experienced something similar. My beloved doggy, Leo, recently passed away in front of my eyes, because I suspect, I did not pay a deposit to have him admitted. 

Early on Friday morning (9 March), I heard a lot of commotion coming from outside my house. Because it was not unusual for some dogs in my street to attack each other, I took little notice. It was only when I heard my husband yelling that I leaped outside. I knew my little Leo was in trouble. 

By the time I got outside, my husband had already warded off the attackers, and I found Leo huddled up in a corner. He looked absolutely terrified, and wanted no one to touch him. 

Three big dogs from the street had viciously attacked my nine month old Maltese poodle, who was bleeding profusely. I started calling around for vets and ended up at one where I was told that a deposit to admit him was not required and that it could be taken care of at the end of the month. 

My husband and my brother rushed Leo off to the vet and I felt relieved: he was going to be OK! Twenty minutes later, I received a call from my family, from the vet?s office, informing me that they would not admit the dog without a deposit, because we are ?new clients?. 

I was furious! Was that not precisely the reason I called beforehand? We were wasting precious time! Leo was hurt! I asked to speak to the doctor. Although I could hear him in the background after he was summoned, he never made to the phone so I could talk to him. I could however make out some of the things he was saying to who I suspect is the receptionist. 

Anyway, he said things like ?they are new customers?, ?we cannot admit that dog without a deposit?, ?if they cannot pay the 500 dollars, how are they going to pay the 1000 dollars?, etc. 

I knew we were wasting time, and so when the ?receptionist? finally got back to the phone to inform me that they could not admit the dog, I told her to give my dog to my brother so that we could take him to the SPCA for help. 

Suddenly, the ?receptionist? tells me no, they cannot give me back my doggy because the attending doctor, while we were debating the deposit, already put him on a drip and administered anti-biotics. I was flabbergasted! 

?What do you want me to do now?? I asked. I also informed her that I did call beforehand to inquire about the submission of a deposit, but was told it was not necessary. To this the ?receptionist? responded that the girl on call is ?new and does not know the vet policies that well yet?. 

Now I was angry. I asked to speak to the doctor who attended to my dog. I related the story to her and she informed me that I ?had to find a way to collect the deposit?. In a very controlled voice I told her that they could not exactly blame me for the lack of knowledge of their secretary, and that since it was a misunderstanding we just had to level with each other. 

I eagerly sent over my identity document and marriage certificate as they requested ? I guess in the event that I would move my whole life out of the country instead of paying N$1 000. 

A few hours later, I received a call from the vet informing me that I could collect my doggy! I was elated! Excitedly I asked if he was OK? The nurse explained that the bite wounds were not too deep and that she managed to stitch them up without a problem. He is going to be fine she said! 

When Leo got home, my heart sank to the floor. He seemed in pain and lifeless. I sat by him for hours, talking to him. That night I could not sleep. I was constantly watching and listening if he was OK.
First thing next morning, I called out to Leo. He was not on the comfortable cushions I had prepared for him. I peeped under the bed and there he was, weak and seemingly lifeless. I dashed over to him, picked him and put him on the cushions again. He was still alive! 

With what seemed like his last strength, he wagged his tail for me. Then unexpectedly, he started stretching his legs. I told my husband, Leo was dying. I was right. He let out a few painful cries. I sank down next to him and told him it is going to be OK. It was not OK. He just ?. died. 

I can tell you, as a journalist and even a crime reporter in South Africa, I had seen many dead bodies, but never ever, did I have the rare traumatizing experience to witness the life of a loved animal slipping away in front of my very eyes. 

I was devastated. After a few hours of just taking in that my beloved doggy was gone, I picked up my phone, and called the vet. None of the doctors on call that day was there, but I did speak to a doctor. ?Was my doggy not supposed to be kept overnight for observation? Why was Leo sent back in such a short time? Was it because I did not pay a deposit?? 

The doctor admitted that Leo was in shock, and he also alluded to the fact that he was supposed to be kept overnight for observation! 

Would he have had a fighting chance? I don?t know. I will never know. My gut tells me that there was an injustice. I could be wrong. You make up your mind. 

When did we get to that point where making money took priority over helping a human being, or an animal that is injured? Who is the person that gets to make that call, and how do they sleep at night? How do you turn away an injured person or animal, because you suspect their owner or family will not pay? Hospital policy? According to the rules of the vet? 

Now, I am sitting with an outstanding N$500 deposit, a bill of N$963.86, and no doggy.

ONCE A MONTH– I TURN INTO A MONSTER!! PMS IS REAL!!!

It was like an ahhh-haaa moment! As someone who has always rejected things I could not explain, and rarely indulged behaviors that I thought could be altered, because right is right and wrong is wrong, right?....this one really took me by surprise!

The condition in question was PMS. Pre-menstrual stress! Apparently, every woman’s nightmare! Those few couple of days or day when your usually loving and affectionate wife/girlfriend turns into a monster and a world class b**tch!

“Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) (also called PMT or premenstrual tension) is a collection of physical and emotional symptoms relatedto a woman's menstrual cycle. In particular, emotional symptoms must be present consistently to diagnose PMS. The specific emotional and physical symptoms attributable to PMS vary from woman to woman, but each individual woman's pattern of symptoms is predictable, occurs consistently during the ten days prior to menses, and vanishes either shortly before or shortly after the start of menstrual flow.

PMS can cause wild, uncontrollable mood swings in some women, who may go from crying spells to angry outbursts and anxiety attacks, then back to a stable emotional state — all in one day. “

This particular month so much was happening in life at once that I completely forgot to  pay attention to my body and my cycle, which I usually monitor like a hawk, for health purposes…and…because I am just that kind of a person!

Before I tell you my experience, I have to say this first.  I have read up on PMS many times, and I was determined to be the one woman who would not become a monster when the time came. So, usually during that period, I would be extra vigilant about my emotions, and just the way I reacted to anything. I am a control freak like that.

Recently, this one rainy Sunday morning, during one of those days that I was completely off mark about when and where I was in my cycle, I woke up…grumpy. As I usually do, I tossed around awhile and sat up. In doing so, I noticed that my husband had an extra blanket on the bed, but that the blanket only covered his part of bed!

In retrospect, I still cannot believe the rage that came over me in that moment! I yelled his name and burst out in an uncontrollable frenzy of tears! Preplexed my husband jumped out of bed, mostly with concern, but I could also see caution in his eyes wonder “what the hell did I do now?” I suspect for fear that he may fuel the fire (because I was very upset), he just sat down and kept quiet!

“You don’t care about me! Look at the blanket! Just look at the blanket! It is covering only your side of the bed! Is this how you take care of me! I have to freeze to death in my own house, and you only cover yourself!!” I sobbed, deeply engrossed in a wave of emotions such as anger, sadness, fear, confusion, depression, insecurity....ect! It felt like all of these emotions wanted to take the lead in which one was going to play itself out first!

“I knew it! I knew I should not have gotten married! I am doomed to a life of eternal loneliness and freezing! Why are you not answering me?! Oh, suddenly I am not good enough to talk to!

My husband said nothing, but looking at me like a deer in headlights! He knew better. Beside my Sagittarian tendency to exaggerate, now this too! The more he said nothing, the angrier I got!

I think at some point, I even asked myself, “what are you doing?”...but it was a fleeting thought. I think it was a brief moment during which my rationality returned, before it was bulldozed by the array of insane feelings that was rushing through me!!!

Needless to say, the accusations, and emotional outburst and crying like I had just lost the most valuable thing in my life, and extreme anger ...oh and a husband who was looking at me like I had completely lost my mind, but never said a word, lasted the whole day!  

Overcome by exhaustion and guilt later that night, I delved into an endless murmur of apology and finally sleep.

The point of this letter is to tell all women, should you be one of the women that experience this, do not feel bad, because you are not alone. PMS is real. In the same vein, PMS should also not be used as an excuse to act inappropriately, or without consideration. It is not acceptable. My advice, if at all it would be of assistance – I am telling you I was sane when these things were happening to me – is to  monitor your cycle, and be more alert to unusual feelings that creep up! See them what for what they are, and dismiss them.

To our men? If it is that time, it is that time. Really, it is not deliberate. It is not put on? Be more sensitive, and take more care. Be extra loving, sweet.....buy chocolates.....it works!!! Oh, and do not under any circumstances, overlook anything.

 Lol! It was a fair warning!

LIFE WILL PUSH YOU INTO CHANGE

I woke up this morning feeling somewhat disillusioned by where I was and what was happening around me. It was as if I had been living in an enclosed shelter for years, and finally my eyes opened up to all that I was blind to. It hurt. Suddenly I saw the world differently, with different eyes. It was as if I had been stowed away for centuries – been protected from the evils of this world.
I don’t know what happened for the blinds to fall off...oh, I remember…I was hurting.

My perfect world was disintegrating into a negative downward spiral that just seemed to pull me under.
And this is where I found myself this morning. Down. Down, depressed, and disillusioned. I could not understand how I had missed this all along. It was everywhere and more importantly, it was overwhelming.

My kids! My poor unborn kids. What kind of a world would I bring them into?
How did I bring a child into a society where men stopped listening to women and rather hit them or shot them dead because they would not listen? How on earth, with all of this going on, did I instill a sense of “as the head of a household you have to protect your family” to my son.

In what kind of consciousness did I bring a child into a world where young mothers buried their newborn babies alive, because they were not given an option to choose by the very country in which they lived? How on earth did I instill a sense of responsibility, the choice to choose between right and wrong, to my young daughter?

How did I allow my child, my unborn child, to grow up in a world where, mistrust, cheating, stealing, killing, manipulating, and deceit, was the order of the day.

I felt pretty down. I had a feeling that my life as I had known it was no more.
It dawned on me then that the bubble that I had lived in for years had popped. Don’t get me wrong. I was always aware of the wrongs that went on around me in this world of ours.

However, somehow, I guess in an effort to deal with it, I found a way to justify these wrongs. I analysed the situation to an understanding that the person must have been in some state of mind to have done what they were doing. And that inherently, there was good in everyone. They deeds were merely driven by circumstances or uncontrollable situations. This was what I believed.
Lately, this believe was waning. For some reason, lately, I came to realise that there are really, genuinely, truly bad people out there. There are people out there who really want to hurt you. People whom just really want to steal from you. There are people who genuinely are trying to make your life as miserable as possible. There are people who cannot stand to see you happy. There are people who even want you to be dead. There are people who will do anything to send you off in a wrong direction – a less prosperous and unhappy direction.

This was my shocking realisation. I was losing my faith in good.

I came to the conclusion that if I did not change my outlook on life and people, that I would never stop crying and hurting, or expose myself and make myself vulnerable to the absolutely horrible things that are happening out there.
My kids, my unborn kids, I realised then, where manifestations of me, living through their eyes. Who would want to hurt their kids or would want their kids to be hurt? Although even that, these days, were not a far off possibility! Well I speak for myself, I will not hurt my children…I will not hurt me.

What was happening to me during the last few days was nothing short of my life telling me to put on my amour and protect myself. It was time to change from being ignorant to negativity, to protective mode. It made sense to me. I was under attack! My protective shield had fallen away. People, whom I had thought to be my friends, appeared as wolf in sheep skin. That was scary! Relationship that I had built over years seemed to be clouded by lies and manipulation. That hurt! I found myself in the middle of the evil pool!

Swimming in fear, insecurity, doubt, confusion and suddenly isolation.

Alas, I had one weapon! A weapon that was so strong that it would always protect me and guide me away from harm! That weapon was called ignorant faith. I believed! Whether I wanted to or not. I believed. I believed that my faith in life and people would be restored. I believed that I will remain protected from evil and negativity!

And now, with my amour on, I was ready! I was ready to fight for my life, and that of my unborn children! I was ready to do what I had to do, in order to do what I wanted to do! I was ready to fight for my life, in a world with possibilities, surrounded by good people, and filled with opportunities.

END

WHICH RELIGIOUS PATH IS RIGHT FOR YOU?

On a Sunday morning, it is common practice for me to sit and reflect on the week that has passed and then to contemplate the week ahead. However, sometimes, especially lately, I have been bombarding myself with so many other thoughts – like am I going to be happy in ten years, how many kids am I willing to have(family planning gives you the choice to decide), and on this particular Sunday, what religion are my kids going to follow?


I guess the thoughts were perpetuated by the fact that I was at the time flipping through a lot channels, and particularly the religious ones. I decided to spend most of my day going through these channels and listening to the messages by the very zealous preachers.

In doing so, I made a few observations. All the preachers had different methods of preaching, in that they had different ways of interpreting the bible. In addition to that, I was also aware of the notion that all preachers wanted people to come to their church.

Perhaps I should go back in time. I grew up in a relatively religious environment. By relative I mean, we were baptised, we went for confirmation, we went to church for a year, after the confirmation (or perhaps I should speak for myself – less then a year), we prayed before every meal, and generally involved God in all we did or endeavoured to do.

However, as I was growing, and being one to question everything, I could not help but to feel confused at the very idea that there were so many different churches, with so many different names! To add to that, there were those who dressed differently, (like a uniform that indicated that they belonged to a certain church), and also those who prayed differently, and to a different person or different God or Gods! I was confused.

Of course I asked, and was kindly told: You are Lutheran and you can go to any Lutheran church in the world". I guessed I would be more accepted there! However, what message would I get if I for instance, walked into a Catholic church?


Nobody really told me that I could never go to one, but since the beginning of time, I got the impression that it was probably not a good idea. It was only later that I found out that Catholics prayed through the Mother Mary to Jesus, while the Lutherans prayed through Jesus to God. I think. Bottom line - I was told that one of them was less respectful than the other, or was the right way to pray or something like that. I don't really know the details.

What I do know is that growing up, religion confused me. Don't get me wrong, I was not confused about the idea/knowledge/believe of God, Jesus, and Mary, but rather, the diversity in which they were portrayed or worshipped! For me, being a person with a very logical disposition, it boiled down to this: One God, one belief, one people, one church…even if they were built in different locations, or areas of the country. This was simply for purposes of easy access.

But no - there were many, at many corners, with many different believes and ideologies. For instance, the church of a lady that I know, who went to one of the churches that wore a uniform, believed that you had to give away a tenth of your salary to the church. In this regard, besides the fact that she had more than three kids, she was really struggling to make ends meets. But she was happy because in her church she was told: "Fear not, because the Lord will provide."

I wondered then how the section of "God only helps those who help themselves" paired in with that. In an even more extreme case, also a lady that I know, from a church that did not wear a uniform, but the people shared the same believe (I do not know what that is, but apparently it differentiated their church from the others), quit her job all together to serve the Lord and the church, besides the fact that she had bills, kids and other things that needed her to have a job.


On another occasion, I was visiting a friend in hospital when a bunch of church volunteers literary compelled my friend to "give his life to the Lord" or "burn in the eternal fire of hell"!

I was terrified! Not because I was probably going to be one of the people who would burn in the "fire of eternal hell", but of the people who went around spreading the word of God, but instead instilled so much fear in the hearts of others. Who wants to burn in a fire of eternal hell!

Aaaahhh, then there were "the people from the Jehovah's Witness"! You know the ones that you always hide away from when you see them coming around the corner. Truth be told, I never did. I mean, if these people were so kind enough to come to my house, to tell me about the Lord, why would I run from them!

Again I was kindly reminded that I was Lutheran and that the "people from the Jehovah's Witness"…well, they claimed that this (earth) was paradise and that God would come down to claim his place on earth. In addition, they claimed that if you lived a righteous life, you would live eternally, and that those who died, were sinners. I guess then thus far, since the beginning to time, we are all sinners because we all have to go sometime!
In short, it was wrong to listen to them.

I could go on and on about the diverse and different ideas and faces of God, which were portrayed to me by many that I came to meet in my life!


In a plight to aid my dillema, I then, from a young age decided that I was not ever going to go to church. This was to avoid and deal with all the confusion I had of why there were millions of different types of churches instead of one for everyone.

Secondly I decided to read the bible myself, and interpret it in anyway that suited my life and lifestyle. I figured that's what everyone else is doing anyhow. Also since the bible is really a very positive book and taught the principle of positive living I found it to be a really great motivationally uplifting tool to have. You know, obey your mother and your father, don't steal, don't kill - the Ten Commandments. I loved reading it, and applying it to my life as it made sense to me.

As for the Almighty himself! Just like the millions of people out there who had millions of churches to go to because they shared millions of different ideas and views about the higher power, I had my own special relationship with Him.

"Remember the part in the bible that says "we were all created in the image of God"? Well, that is how I applied my God to myself. That he lived in all of us, and that he was like a Father to us. A protector, a giver, a caretaker! Therefore, when I felt ill, I simply called on my Father and asked him to make me feel better – like my own father would do! Or when I was facing a financial difficulty, I would call on my Father to help me find a way to get money – note, not to give me money, to help me find a way to make or get money. True to his word, so it would be. Money would come. The same applied to all other areas of my life! If I wanted something, I would call on my Father to provide it.


Did that sound a little selfish? More like ask, ask, ask, and give nothing in return? Yes it did, and no, I do not feel guilty about it! Why? Because I deserve everything that is good and right in my life and I should not feel bad about it! That is what my Father would have wanted.

How do I deal with the issue of giving a tenth of what you earn to the church? My theory to that is, why give a tenth of what you earn, when you can give all of what you can! The operative words being what you can! It is called generosity. It is called sharing. It is called empathy and sympathy! It is called loving your neighbour, your brother, your friend, your partner! It works for me. I give of myself and what I can.

However the most important of everything that I had just mention, and I feared, majority of the devout church goers did not have – was FAITH! Oh, it is so important it makes me teary-eyed just thinking about it! I mean, you could go to church day in and out, give away all the money in the world, quit your job, preach from house to house, but if you have not faith, it is all worth nothing!

Faith means believing in something that you cannot see, and there is not guarantee that it is really there! I had loads of that! I loved life, the process, the believe, and my Father so much, that I took it for granted that whatever I asked for would be granted to me without question! And so it was! It worked for me!

I had faith my Father was with my every waking second of my life, guiding me, looking out for me, saving me, loving me, taking care of me, planning
my life in such a way, that I could live it without fear of what tomorrow would bring – just like my father would do!

As for my unborn children and what religion they could follow? Again, I would have to revert that back to my Father, who gave each and every human being the greatest gift of all – FREE WILL.

DUAL TELEVISION: HOME WRECKER

When my fiancé announced that we were going to have to get DSTV’s PVR installed into our home “to allow us both to watch the programmes that we loved”, I absolutely had to put my foot down.

Now, in a young union like ours, it was not the easiest thing to do because as we all know, men always have to prove that they are the men – decision making and all. However, this was one thing, and probably the only thing, that I was not going to allow to take root!

For those who do not know, let me first explain what PVR viewing entails. The add on the Multichoice website reads like this:

“The PVR will revolutionise the television experience and the way you watch television. The DStv PVR Decoder is a Personal Video Recorder and decoder in one. With your DStv PVR decoder you will be able to take control of your television. Some of the exciting features of the DStv PVR decoder that you can look forward to include: Record 80 hours of TV Programming, Pause live TV, Watch two channels and record a third channel at the same time, Rewind programming, Fast forward and slo-mo programming you have recorded”

So basically, including all the other features mentioned above, the PVR decoder allows you to view two separate channels on two separate TV's simultaneously, while you can record a third channel and watch it later. That means, you in one room watching Desperate Housewives, while your boyfriend, fiancé or husband is in the other room watching soccer, rugby, wrestling or formula one!

In practice this sound really great! Nobody really ever has to miss their favourite programme. However, after much thought, I discovered that, if I gave into this request, we would hardly ever see each other! Let me explain.

Due to an increasingly competitive economy and high standard of living, we are forced to spend longer hours working and fewer hours with each other. On average, daily we spend about four hours with each other during the week, and about six during some weekends. During the four hours that we spend over the week, thirty minutes is spend on trivial chats and eating in front of the television, while the three and a half remaining hours are spend watching television!

Now, this can still work for me because at least, even if we don’t really talk to each other, due to the extent and intensity of involvement required to follow a certain programme, we are in each other’s company. In addition, we are forced to negotiate who watches what, when and on which date and why?

Correct me if I am wrong but this is preciously what a couple about to be wedded should focus their energy on! Finding a common ground, making decisions that are beneficial as well as pleasant for both of them, working together! I believe its called compromise!
What does the PRV decoder do? It literality separates you from each other, leaving you little room to communicate and build on a healthy sustainable relationship, as well as discuss important issues that affect your togetherness and future together.

Some, like my fiancé, will argue and say, “but the PVR has a recording function and anything we can’t watch now, we can record and watch it later”. Right! I would like to see him recording, thereby missing, a game between Barcelona and Liverpool so that I can watch American Idols! Not in this lifetime I have learned!

I was not going to let this go without an argument. So I went a step further! Enter Marshall McLuhan! A Canadian philosopher who long time ago, sometime in the 1950’s, already predicted that the likes of television would be “destructive” to society at large.

McLuhan's theory was that a medium affects the society in which it plays a role not by the content delivered over the medium, but by the characteristics of the medium itself! In other words, his argument was that it did not really matter if television broadcasts screened children's shows or violent programming all day, the effect of television on society would be identical. “Destructive”.

Think of the television in your house? Usually it tends to occupy the center of the room or somewhere in the room at an elevated level. This then requires a family of any household to gather around the television for hours on end, not communicating and therefore leading to the disintegration of the family. He coined it “the medium is the message”.

The message is that besides watching television it is important for families, couples, and even children to find other activities that can contribute to the stimulation of their brains – like reading a book, or in my case, to the building of a healthy relationship - like talking about wedding plans!

I rest my case.